This is how I do my journaling. It's a unique process I created that I call Magical Alpha Dialogue. It reads as fiction. Enjoy. Or not.
Coffee is poured for us as we sit in armchairs on his enclosed balcony outside his chamber. The view looks out over the Bifrost. This morning it gleams like selenite, the energy visibly pulsing through the portal and walkway.
He has glamoured a simple but sumptuous gown for me that matches his soft leather jerkin that he wears over black leather jeans.
He still looks at me with hunger but keeps it in check, unlike yesterday. He reaches for my hand and kisses my palm.
“Are you ready to set the course for the coming year, my love?”
“If we have to, my lord.”
“We have to, pet. YOU have to. My Lady Odin’s great adventure awaits.” There is a soft growl behind his smiling, mischievous eyes.
I enjoy how he smoothly navigates my various layers including that of petulant child, even though he owns my heart and soul.
He pulls me onto his lap, taking and placing my coffee next to his on the exotic side table. Once settled, he brings his forehead against mine, his arm resting around my hip. He traces my face gently with his finger tips.
“You have been neglecting your wellbeing, pet. This is the first thing that will change.”
I roll my eyes. He taps my jawbone in chastisement.
“It will be the first level of factors that you will attend too. My Lady Odin needs to be strong and well for the journey ahead.”
"Yes, my lord."
“You know what you need to do, you’ve done it before. Make it fun to go the gym to build your stamina and strength, eat wholesome foods and get in a good amount of sleep - before midnight. And I’m going to add sunshine and grounding to your routine. You have not ventured forth out of your rooms for almost a week. No wonder you ache and feel depleted much of the time.”
"Yes, my lord,” I mumble. My gaze wandered when he began his litany of requirements from me, already resisting the burdens of responsibility returning.
His light kiss on my nose brings my attention back to his deep hypnotic eyes.
“You’ve also neglected attending to your beauty which has caused your radiance to dim.”
“No one sees me, my lord. I make sure of that. So what’s the point?”
“Excuse me, pet?! You, who rub shoulders with gods and angels - and now goddesses of creation! You don’t consider us worthy of being offered your radiance?”
“I hadn’t thought of it in that way, my lord.”
“And this is why we have these little talks, my love. I look out for that luscious arse of yours.”
I giggle silently. "Yes, my lord. You do.”
He returns to his mock sternness. “Right. So outline a radiance program for yourself, pet, and assemble what you require and keep it accessible. And use it.”
I keep my eye roll hidden from him this time. "Yes, my lord."
He waits till I make eye contact again. He holds it and says no more, letting me process what he has outlined.
I look at this glorious being whose lap I sit upon with easy familiarity and wonder in awe at how he has become intimately woven into my life. How did I dare to manifest this? I drop my gaze to his lips and kiss him softly.
"Yes, my lord. I will do as you advise.”
He growls softly, whether in response or reproach, I’m not sure. I smile to myself with my adoration for him.
“What else, my lord?”
“Are you ready to consider your adventure now, my love?”
I nod gently.
“Tell me what you would like to achieve in the coming year, magic girl? What is your vision?”
I perk up and look to the painting high on the opposite wall. It is a scene featuring Yggdrasil. I look through it as I ponder my vision. “Courses, my lord. A small batch of simple, focused courses. On Udemy. That feed ... or rather, guide people on to my list where I can better nurture their power and ambitions to serve The Cause, my lord.”
“Give me some numbers, pet.”
“Umm … well … I really like the Udemy deposits that come each month, my lord, and I’d like to see them grow to, perhaps, $500 a month?”
He growls at the rising lilt that turns my comment into question, revealing my hesitancy to claim my worth. “Oh ye of little faith or ambition,” he mutters to himself.
“I really don’t want to think about money right now. It’s enough to add a bit more freedom and security for me, but my focus at this time is to build a foundation that nurtures and cares for my people.”
His eyes reveal his mischievous intentions, so I push him back with a giggle.
“Ah … no, my lord! Not right now.”
His eyes narrow in challenge.
“Perhaps later, my lord. Right now, I’d really like to stay focussed on … numbers.”
He pretends to look defeated but the twinkle quickly returns to his eyes.
“Please continue then, My Lady Odin.”
I kiss him lightly before I do.
“My list, my lord. I’d like to see over 300 people on it by the end of the year. However, I don’t wish to carry any dead weight, so I plan to cull it every few months of anyone who doesn’t open my emails because that would clearly show they do not resonate with what I offer.”
“So you aim for 300 - or more - committed followers, pet?”
“I don’t like the idea of followers, my lord. I am a teacher, and those on my list are as equals and who are interested in what I would offer. And I am a priestess also, so I would tend to any on my list when they feel lost or wounded. Again, as equals. We all have our roles, and these are mine. I prefer to think of my list members as loyal kindred, my lord, who consider that I can be of use to them.”
He doesn’t respond, letting my words deepen into the aether. I continue after a few moments.
“I like the voice I have found, my lord, to deliver my work into the world. And I have you to thank for this. You were the one to expand my reality beyond that of simply Middle Earth. You have helped me soar into other realms, freeing me of self-imposed limitations, opening my vision to unimagined possibilities. I owe so much to you, my lord. You have set me free in so many ways.”
A sudden rush appreciation and boundless love for him threaten to overwhelm me as I look into his. I catch myself and laugh self-consciously as I wipe at a tear that has escaped. “I’m sorry, my lord. I’m getting sentimental, which is quite unlike me.”
He gently pulls my head to lean against his shoulder. Once I relax, he holds my hand, playing with my fingers. “You have always been quite extraordinary, my love. Even when you first approached me. You were quite unlike the countless others who wished to claim my attention.”
He pauses. I do not interrupt him. “You were strong, but soft in your light. Your darkness was cool and nourishing, not angry or destructive. You were teachable and able to take correction without resistance.”
I laugh quietly to myself as I consider that he fails to remember how often I have disappointed him. And myself.
I feel him scanning my thoughts.
“No, pet. That’s not what I refer to. Even now, you allow yourself to be fully open to me. Your sense of self is strong and you do not fear losing yourself when I absorb you.”
“True, my lord. I have nothing to hide from you. I am willing for you to know all my defects …” He glares and growls softly at my use of this word. “… so you can guide me past them. I know with all my being that you want only the best for me.”
“I try to guide you past them.” His mouth tightens and his eyes narrow as he considers his success … or lack thereof … with me.
I nod softly, my skin tingling from the failure I have been to him. I cannot maintain my gaze and look away. I feel my chin cupped in the crook of his finger as he pivots my face back to his.
“And that’s on me, my love. I am learning you, how you are layered, where your thorns and brambles lie. However, I am well pleased with how far you have come. We … and I mean you! … have broken the toughest membrane that prevented your clarity. And that stopped you from having a cohesive vision which then stopped you from completing any of the false starts you began. And now, look at you! You are clear, you are confident, your heart is ablaze with purpose, ready to lead others to theirs.”
“But I’m still so disorganised, my lord.”
He shrugs. “So? That will come.”
“I guess … because a number of things have certainly fallen into place.”
“With you, my love, I’ve noticed that your heart has to agree with what your head - or I, for that matter! - tells you. Without your heart on board, you are as resistant as fuck!”
I burst out in laughter at his unexpected and rare profanity before becoming restless as my body recognises the truth of what he says. Then a thought strikes me that stills me into a frozen pose for a moment. “It’s a matter of positioning, my lord.”
“All my work … all my work that I’ve developed over the years, but that sits in files and boxes, unloved, unused … all my breakthrough teachings that I felt excited to offer at the time but which then fell flat like deflated tyres … they are all still relevant to what I would teach. It’s like they have been waiting for something to change, to evolve within me. For The Lady Odin to emerge, ready to fight for her monsters, her beasties. And to learn of Aza and The Cause that is being fought behind the scenes. I know now where I fit in the larger scheme of things and what I am here to do. But also, and this was the piece that always stymied me … knowing HOW I was to do it.”
“And this is why we are planning, my love. You are bursting at the seams with blinding vision, and if you have no direction for them, you will implode with inaction. And that, pet, just adds unnecessary guilt to your field.”
I nod reluctantly in agreement.
“May I suggest, pet, that instead of the deep dives that you resist so much, put down layers instead. I’ve noticed this is what works best for you, with what you’ve developed so far. You are a grazer … a bit here, a bit there. Then every once in a while, you will take a deep dive of your own volition and not emerge again until it is well progressed.”
“And most likely not finished …” I grumble to myself. He chuckles softly.
“Likely not. But this is now where the layering comes back in. Particularly that you now have a Lair Pack to suckle.”
I squeal as he dives to my décolletage, nipping the top of my breast. He allows me to push him away with ease, revealing a decidedly impish look on his face.
“You will do for them, pet, what you will not do for yourself, I’ll wager.”
The profoundness of his words sits in strange juxtaposition to his mischievous grin. I just stare at him, mouth slightly agape, allowing this insight to settle into my bones.
I recompose myself as new thoughts emerge from within me.
“My email list, my lord. I have begun a journey that I would take my people on. This is where I would nourish them. But you …” I look at him in challenge, “… you are the only one I would suckle.”
I dive upon his lower lip to suck and nibble upon which he allows for a moment. Then I feel his fingertips digging into both sides of my ribs. I squark loudly in distressed laughter to escape his evil tickling, squirming and kicking in self-defence. He eases off and lets me catch my breath.
“Unfair, my lord.”
“Precisely, my love.”
This post reveals more about my Magical Alpha Dialogue process.
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